It starts now.

That's it.
I want to be able to wear skinny jeans.

I had always been the 'cute' sister. It's not that my sister is ugly, not at all. She's beautiful, but she was a late bloomer. She had a SERIOUS acne problem when she was younger, she's "big-boned", her nose was wide, she had eyebrows in the shape of fat leeches and she had this huge mole next to her upper lip.
But she got a nose job, had her mole removed, eyebrows plucked, had her acne treated, exercised and she looks awesome.

Me? I'm more natural. I have never tweezed my eyebrows because I don't need to, I get the occasional pimple once a month, but nothing that won't go away in a couple of days. I never needed to wear make up to look good and I have always had a good self-esteem.

Until now.

I am a happy person. I have a great family, an awesome fiance, fantastic friends... and yet I hate myself.

I hate myself for not doing anything to take care of my body and letting it grow and grow and GROW fatter every day.

I hate myself for smoking all those years, slowly killing my lungs and my esophagus. I quit, but thanks to that, I gained a lot of weight.

I hate myself for drinking so many cans of Diet Coke every day, not helping my now humongous hiatal hernia (not to mention my, also humongous, ass and saddlebags).

I hate myself for not exercising when I knew I should.

This is going to stop.
Now.
Today.

I felt so bad this weekend when we went to my parents house. They have a pool. And I compared my body to my sister's. She's 2 years younger than I am and has a great body.
I have the body of a 50 year old woman who hasn't looked at a treadmill in 20 years.
No offense to 50 year old women, but I'm 27.

I am not fat, like obese. In fact, a lot of people would call me "chubby". But, you see, this is how it starts. And I look older now that I'm overweight. I have looked at pictures of myself 3 years ago and people say "How old were you here? Sixteen?" and don't believe me when I say it wasn't that long ago... just pounds ago.

I am 5' 4'', and I weigh 154 pounds. And 100 of those pounds are having a party in my ass.

I am getting married next year in August and I always dreamed of being a beautiful bride. I am aware that being fat doesn't make you ugly. But I want to look good, healthy, young and proud of myself.

So this is how it starts. A journey to reach 120 pounds.

Oh, I'm going to be sooooo crabby this week...